Ross Gerber Shorts Penn, Declares Bankruptcy 5 Minutes Later

by Eloise Williams
Ross Gerber Penn

SANTA MONICA – Growing increasingly irritated at Portnoy’s ever growing social media following, Ross Gerber of Gerber Kawasaki, attempted to short Penn National Gaming out of spite.  Five minutes later Gerber Kawasaki declared bankruptcy.

Financial historians are already calling Gerber’s move as “the most pathetic trade” ever. In fact, there are already ten e-books written about this trade. One book titled “Don’t Short Rocket ships”.

Seconds after Ross Gerber shorted Penn the stock price started to increase.  Five minutes later, Penn was up over 1,000%.

“Our computers exploded,” Anita Bath, a spokeswoman for Gerber Kawasaki stated.  “Seventeen computers exploded simultaneously after the incredible move in Penn.  Do you know what seventeen computers exploding that sounds like?”

According to Microsoft, their computers were not built to handle such a stupid trade.  In fact, the computer engineers specifically left the code out of the computer program for any idiotic short trade such as shorting Penn.

“We never thought anyone would be dumb enough to short Penn,” Pat Myaz, a programmer for Microsoft stated.  “I don’t know much about stocks myself, but I do no not to short anything that Dave Portnoy is backing.”

And so do other professional investors.  Howard Marks, a long-time supporter of Dave Portnoy wrote in his annual letter to shareholders how his entire research process for new investments is watching Portnoy’s Twitter account.

Even Seth Klarman, of the Baupost Group said he was re-writing the renowned Margin of Safety to include a chapter on buying stocks that Portnoy is long.

As for Gerber. Not much is known. The last public news on the goofball was his reckless attempt to shame people taking PPP Loans. That is seconds after Gerber himself took a PPP Loan.

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