These Are The Scumbag Investors Propping Up Robinhood

by Chadford Whitmore VI

Robinhood raised $1 billion overnight from existing investors as a “sign of confidence” (LOLOLOLOL). So who are some of these investors who are supporting this scummy company?

Sequoia Capital

In 2015, Sequoia chairman Michael Moritz stated that Sequioa would not “lower their standards” to hire women. Facing criticism – not because they actually, you know, thought women have real functioning brains – they hired their first woman employee in 2016.

Keep in mind Sequoia was founded in 1972. So unless my calculations are incorrect (D+ Algebra 9th grade – shout out Ms. Jennings), it took Sequoia 44 years to hire a woman.

I’m a pretty reasonable person. I could see maybe taking 35 years to hire a woman. The hiring process needs to be methodical and you need to determine if there’s a good fit between the employee and company. But 44 years? That’s just nuts.

Say hi to the nice folks at Sequoia on Twitter at @sequoia. Or say hi to Mr. Moritz at

Ribbit Capital

Led by Meyer “Micky” Malka, Ribbit touts on their homepage that “It takes money to change money.” Robinhood seems like a good fit based on their philosophy of taking your money and holding it hostage.

Say hi to our new friend Mickey Malta on Twitter @mickymalka.

So who else is backing Robinhood?

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