Is Billionaire Steve Cohen Headed To Federal Pound Me In The Ass Prison?

by Chadford Whitmore VI

Barstool’s Dave Portnoy has made it his mission to expose every nefarious actor involved in the Game Stop/WallStreetBets/Melvin Capital/Citadel/Point 72/Robinhood/Every Brokerage Locking Accounts fiasco. In an epic rant for the ages that has lasted all day, Portnoy set his sights on disgraced hedge funder and NY Mets owner Steve Cohen. Cohen bailed out GME short bagholder Melvin Capital, ground zero of today’s fiasco, to the tune of a cool $750 million.

Cohen went straight to the old “aw shucks, Dave, just tryna make an honest buck over here” and then proceeded to do his best John Travolta impersonation on why he was even being implicated. Cohen has a history of being greasier than Will Meade covered in oil when he houdini’ed his way out of fraud charges related to insider trading in 2013. So let’s save the choir boy act, Steve-o.

Cohen runs hedge fund Point72. They invested (i.e. bailed out their billionaire buddies) $750 million into beleaguered Melvin Capital to help stabilize the fund. This injection was needed after Melvin Capital had their face ripped off by a bunch of beauties on the WallStreetBets subreddit who ran up the price of GameStop ($GME) to put on an epic short squeeze. Melvin Capital lost $2.75 billion.

In the words of Tommy Callahan: That’s gonna leave a mark.

You may also like

Leave a Comment